Tuesday, February 8, 2011

It won't be easy but with Jesus I know I can

I have just came back to the Lord. I'm a born again Christian. I know what you might be thinking but please don't!! My story isn't fancy. I'm not by any means special. why am I blogging? I know someone out there might be where I was and maybe might be able to be where I am. I grew up believing in God. I had no doubt what so ever in my mind that he was there. Even when told by a class mate there was no God I didn't understand that idea. I wanted to be catholic like my mom. Not really sure what that meant all I knew was that was what my mom was and that is what i wanted to be. Years past ...time flew and I got older. We moved into a house in Oregon City . A house that my dad never moved in with us. I remember one day he was there and the next we are being sat down and told how he was no longer going to live with us. Mind you I was a daddy's girl. I wanted to be just like him. wow did that just crush me. I didn't understand...I was made and I took it out on the one who loved me the most..God!! Looking back now I cry thinking about how much I use to hate him. I acted out in every way I could. I was lost and lonely. I was truly walking in the dark. Years later I meet a guy. He was my soul mate and my love. We got married and I ended up marring into a christian family. That was okay with me just not my thing. Can you believe that? I use to say God just wasn't my thing. Issues happen between my new family and me. We went way to long with out talking. I got pregnant with my little girl during this time. When you are about to have a baby it really makes you rethink your life and how you want to live it. I knew I need to fix something before I had her. My hubby and I fixed things with the family. Then that lead to being told about this great group called W.O.W ( women of the word ). I thought what the hell I'll try it out. I'm telling you it was what I needed. I meet nice , welcoming Christians. I started to find my way back to the lord. He wasn't done yet. I still had to fix things. Listening to God I wrote a letter to my husband's ex wife. That was hard because we did not get along. I wrote it to let go of the anger and to say lets just try to get along. I also started to work on things with my step daughter. I started going to church on Sundays. Boy oh Boy was the Holy spirit talking to me. Then I did a bible study with my mother and sister in law. On June 2,2010 I accepted Christ as my Personal Savior. That was the best day of my life!!! 
To know that even when I had turned my back on him. To know I use to Scream I hate you at him. I would make fun of other Christian and try to make them question their faith. Even after everything I have done..you want to know what he did??? When i said father please forgive me  he said my child I love you so much . Welcome back. I forgive you. Makes me cry to typing this. He said I FORGIVE YOU !!! He has never brought up what i did again. WOW!!! Now that is the best love ever!! 
I'm not prefect. I still slip and fall sometimes. He just picks me up brushes me off and lets me know he loves me. In " Amazing Grace" It was say " I once was lost but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see." The words never rang more true to me then now. For oh how I can see.
I'm madly in love with my Lord. When the rest the world had forgot about me he was there. Looking back now I see some many times when he was holding out his hand just waiting for me to take it. So many times I just turned away. Life would have been much easier if I knew then what I know now. Then again I wouldn't know how great it is to be loved for who I am no matter what.
This isn't easy for me to put out there. I can't hold it any. If this helps anyone to see what I have seen...to feel the love I feel now then it's worth it. God loves everyone. He just wants you to trust in him...have faith in him...he just want to shower you with his love. You know he does not ask much from us either. How about it..Wanna just take his hand? :-)

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