Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I'm not a Pastor ..I just love the Lord

I feel I need to make this kind of clear. I started this page because I love the Lord. I want to Glorify him. I want to share the love I have come to know in him. I'm still learning about him and the Bible. I don't know everything. There is still things I have questions about my self. Also I'm not here to preach to anyone. I just want to share my walk with the Lord. It's up and it's downs. My good time and my bad. I never liked being preached to..EVER!! Growing up I found that a lot of christian did just that. They would much rather judge and preach to me then listen to what I had to say or hear what I want to know. It really turned me off to Christians and keep me away from the Lord.
Every since I have accept Christ as my Savior my life has really change. I have been told so have I. I am so  amazed by his love for us. His un dieing love. Some days I feel the Holy Spirit so stronge that it brings me to my knee...tears running down my face in worship. Other days when the stress of life is getting to me I feel him less. Not because he isn't there. trust me he is always there!! I think it's because I stop paying attention to him. My mind is else where that I forget about him all together. I think in those days are the days I need to glorify him even more. In the day to day tasks. Chasing after my little...doing the the dishes. He thinks about us every minute..shouldn't we do the same? I spend most of my day talking to him ( in my head not out loud). No I'm not crazy :-)  Sometimes it is easy to think of God as so far away. One of those he this there and we are here kind of thing. For my self I find it easier to think of him as my best friend. It makes him seems closer ( because he is close ). I think of him as that friend that I can call on even if it's to chat about the day to day life. Or to vent to when something in my life has me twisted inside I need to let it out. He is even the one person I turn to when I need help with my daughter. He is my best friend. He is there for me. My fav poem is the poem " footprints". If you have not read it you really should. It is about a man walking with the Lord on the beach. They are looking back on his life. He noticed Through out his life there where two foot prints in the sand but on days when he was down and low there where only one. He didn't understand and he asked the Lord why? why when he need him the most was he not there? The Lord said my child. One days when you where days when you only saw one foot print it was then I carried you....WOW!!!! Take a second and think about that.
There was a point in my life that I was depressed. I can't tell u why I don't really remember.All I remember was feeling so scared and lost. I remember I laid on the couch with my face in the pillows crying out to the Lord. Begging and pleading with him. Say Oh Lord I'm upset. I'm so depressed. I feel so alone. I need u..I need u. I NEED U!!! Then all the sudden I felt him reach down and wrap him in his loving embrace. No words can tell you how wonderful that felt. It was like a sense of warmth. a sense of peace. A feel like I was not alone. It was so amazing that years later I still remember it. Here is how great our Lord is. I spent so many of my years hating him. so much time scream and saying hurtful things to him. Think about it. If you had a friend who was nothing but mean to you. Who snub you every chance they could get. Then that person calls you up and say" hey I really need you". I think it would be easy to say to them are you kidding me right now??? After you treat me you think I'm going to help you?? God could have said that to me but he didn't. He showed me his love. He picked me up and wrapped me in his arms. Putting past everything I did. If that isn't love then I don't know what is.
The great thing about God is if we ask for him he will be there for us no matter what!! If we humble our self and say Lord I need you he will come. He does not judge he just loves us. Pastor Tom said if we need to go out and love on people like Jesus would want us to do. I'm telling you if I had people show me Gods love and not judge me when I was younger my out look on Christians would have been different. I'm so grateful to the women I have meet through my bible study. There really have loved on me and shown me Gods love!! Thank you guys :-)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

It won't be easy but with Jesus I know I can

I have just came back to the Lord. I'm a born again Christian. I know what you might be thinking but please don't!! My story isn't fancy. I'm not by any means special. why am I blogging? I know someone out there might be where I was and maybe might be able to be where I am. I grew up believing in God. I had no doubt what so ever in my mind that he was there. Even when told by a class mate there was no God I didn't understand that idea. I wanted to be catholic like my mom. Not really sure what that meant all I knew was that was what my mom was and that is what i wanted to be. Years past ...time flew and I got older. We moved into a house in Oregon City . A house that my dad never moved in with us. I remember one day he was there and the next we are being sat down and told how he was no longer going to live with us. Mind you I was a daddy's girl. I wanted to be just like him. wow did that just crush me. I didn't understand...I was made and I took it out on the one who loved me the most..God!! Looking back now I cry thinking about how much I use to hate him. I acted out in every way I could. I was lost and lonely. I was truly walking in the dark. Years later I meet a guy. He was my soul mate and my love. We got married and I ended up marring into a christian family. That was okay with me just not my thing. Can you believe that? I use to say God just wasn't my thing. Issues happen between my new family and me. We went way to long with out talking. I got pregnant with my little girl during this time. When you are about to have a baby it really makes you rethink your life and how you want to live it. I knew I need to fix something before I had her. My hubby and I fixed things with the family. Then that lead to being told about this great group called W.O.W ( women of the word ). I thought what the hell I'll try it out. I'm telling you it was what I needed. I meet nice , welcoming Christians. I started to find my way back to the lord. He wasn't done yet. I still had to fix things. Listening to God I wrote a letter to my husband's ex wife. That was hard because we did not get along. I wrote it to let go of the anger and to say lets just try to get along. I also started to work on things with my step daughter. I started going to church on Sundays. Boy oh Boy was the Holy spirit talking to me. Then I did a bible study with my mother and sister in law. On June 2,2010 I accepted Christ as my Personal Savior. That was the best day of my life!!! 
To know that even when I had turned my back on him. To know I use to Scream I hate you at him. I would make fun of other Christian and try to make them question their faith. Even after everything I have want to know what he did??? When i said father please forgive me  he said my child I love you so much . Welcome back. I forgive you. Makes me cry to typing this. He said I FORGIVE YOU !!! He has never brought up what i did again. WOW!!! Now that is the best love ever!! 
I'm not prefect. I still slip and fall sometimes. He just picks me up brushes me off and lets me know he loves me. In " Amazing Grace" It was say " I once was lost but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see." The words never rang more true to me then now. For oh how I can see.
I'm madly in love with my Lord. When the rest the world had forgot about me he was there. Looking back now I see some many times when he was holding out his hand just waiting for me to take it. So many times I just turned away. Life would have been much easier if I knew then what I know now. Then again I wouldn't know how great it is to be loved for who I am no matter what.
This isn't easy for me to put out there. I can't hold it any. If this helps anyone to see what I have feel the love I feel now then it's worth it. God loves everyone. He just wants you to trust in him...have faith in him...he just want to shower you with his love. You know he does not ask much from us either. How about it..Wanna just take his hand? :-)